Uzbekistan Idol: The finale

 

After months of waiting in excitement for the winner of UI to be crowned, its finally here. A high court judge ruled that the show would continue and all audience members would be released unharmed following the announcement of the 2006 Uzbkistan Idol.

 

The final two contestants have battled almost two months of anticipation to give their final  performance this week. A fresh faced Bronislava opened the show with a shrieking rendition of the black eye peas hit ‘pump it’, in which she showed off her new surgically enhanced face after undertaking a face lift in the past week trying to appeal to a younger audience. Although not able to open her eyes (due to swelling from a recent brow implant) she still managed to show her fans why she is known as the white whitney of R and B.

 

 

Blinded by the lights: Ruslana 'pumps it' for the crowd

 

Season campaigner Ivana Kumpakiske fought through a severe dislocation to perform what has become her signature song ‘ You sexy thing’. Fears for her safety were raised when she gyrated her left hip right out of its socket, but like the professional she is, popped it right back in by the next chorus.

 

 

Ivana shows why she is still the 'hippest' grandma in Uzbekistan

 

 

With only minutes before the big result and with the voting lines closed, Ivana and Bronislava stood side by side awaiting the big moment. When a world first in Idol was revealed.  Idol contestant Mikale Spalko who was critically injured during a freak cycling rundown,  had returned following a successful larynx transplant to compete in the final.

 

A devastated and confused Bronislava refused to accept the return of Spalko stating that his reentry  and unexpected recovery was illegal under the bylaws of Uzbekistan Idol. Controversy filled the stadium as officials  struggled to calm the mass confusion within the forcefully detained crowd.

 

 But in true Idol style, tradgedy struck as 84 year old Ivana collapsed midstage complaining of a  “very sharp stabbing pain’ in her chest” thought to be angina.

 

 

This  was later diagnosed by doctors to be a ‘ruptured left ventricle’.

 

 

A crazed Bronislava then turned on the crowd, fatally stabbing seven men and four women whilst singing a her heart stopping rendition of ‘I will always Love you’. Fans cheered, believing it to be her most emotionally mature performance to date.

 

As security guards struggled to contain the crowd and minimize casualties, a brave Spalko produced a 9mm handgun and treated the audience to an amazing final performance of  the Paul Mcartney classic ‘ Live and let die’. Thus finally ending the debate on who was to be this years Uzbekistan idol.

 

 

Spalko treats the audience to a brain shower 

 

 

The elated 19 year old crooner with a donated voicebox was now living his dream. A once bullied boy had become a national hero.  

 

 

A typically pensive Simon Cowellovich presented Spalko with the trophy he was born to hold.

 

 

 

Congratulations Mikael Spalko on becoming this years Uzbekistan Idol.

 

 

However……………………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was to be the shortest reign in Uzbekistan Idol history.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 A twice detonated Boris Spatkovich returned to exact revenge upon the entire Idol Phenomenon by blowing up the entire stadium 

 

 

 

 

UI would like to thank all its followers for their patience and understanding.  We hope you have enjoyed this wonderful cyber reality experience.

 

 

Similar retardedness can be found on the BFC/Ostrobogulous/Continuity journal bingobangobongo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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